She has lost the right to be a mother.

The devastating reality of an Ontario LTC home's restrictions.

“Jennifer is dying. She is well aware of that. She knows she only has so many after-school chats left with Brayden. She knows she only has so many play dates left with Tyran…”

Today I want to share the tragic story of my friend Jennifer Desroches. I’ve heard many sad stories about the families affected by pandemic related rules at Ontario nursing homes. But none pull at my heartstrings greater than Jennifer’s.

With Jennifer’s consent, I not only want to share her story but I want you to take a moment to understand how she feels.

At the age of 22, while pregnant for her first child, Jennifer received the disastrous news that she had Huntington’s disease. Huntington’s is a rare neurological disease that causes the breakdown of nerve cells in the brain. The disease has no cure and normally leads to a rapid decline in all physical abilities.

In short, at 22 years old with the hopes and aspirations of raising a family and starting a career, it’s the worst medical news you can possibly receive.

Jennifer was destined to still live her life. She gave birth to 2 amazing boys (Brayden and Tyran) in the following years. She did her best in her twenties while her debilitating disease slowly impeded on every aspect of her life.

In 2015, at only 29 years old, Jennifer and her family made the heartbreaking decision that she could no longer live on her own and care for her children. Jennifer moved in with her sister Jamie-Lee who found a larger home to accommodate her sister while herself starting a young family. Jennifer had a great family network that assured her children continued to receive proper love and care. Jennifer did the most with what life gave her. Jamie-Lee proudly states that “she continued to see her children regularly and maintained a beautiful relationship with them”.

2020 saw Jennifer’s health fall to the point that she needed full-time care and Jamie-Lee had to make the most difficult decisions a sibling could ever make. Sobbing as she signed the papers on that August morning, she placed her 34 year old sister into a nursing home where she would likely spend the rest of her days.

Pandemic restrictions had already started in LTC homes but the staff comforted Jamie-Lee in telling her that her sister could still live a very social life at this home. Jamie-Lee specifically made sure to ask if the home could foresee denying immediate family caregivers because of this pandemic. She distinctly remembers the resounding NO. She was relieved…

But just a few months later, severe restrictions would mean that all non-essential caregivers would be denied entry. This meant that Jennifer’s sons would begin their nearly two year absence from their mother’s home. In one sentence I have difficulty writing, Jamie-Lee was told that her sister’s sons were not “essential” in her life. Or her, in theirs… Jennifer wasn’t even allowed to continue one of the only things her body let her do. Be a mother...

As 2021 was coming to a close children were beginning to be allowed into the home. But because Au Chateau was almost always in outbreak during the cold and flu season, Tyron and Braydon could still not enter because of their absurd “non-essential” status.

While many cheered the availability of the COVID-19 vaccine for children in December 2021, Jamie-Lee knew her sister's relationship with her children would inevitably continue to be restricted.

Under public pressure, LTC homes starting relaxing visitation rules in 2022 but only for those who complied with the ever changing COVID vaccine recommendations. Despite the fact that most Canadian parents declined the COVID vaccine for their children, Ontario LTC homes would not allow children in unless they got the controversial (for children) COVID vaccine.**

*As of January 19, 2023, only 41% of Canadian children have received 2 doses and only 10% have opted for a booster.
**I say controversial because at the time (and still today) many experts advised against giving the new mRNA shot to children. Norway and Sweden were among many countries who did not recommend it .

Jamie-Lee and Jennifer knew what the data was showing. That the shots were not stopping transmission. Especially with the newly discovered variants that were emerging in December 2021. Jamie-Lee knew that her sister would never expect anyone (let alone her children) to take a new medical product just to see her.

The overwhelming data showing no correlation in cases between vaccinated and unvaccinated populations prompted the Ontario government to realize that these policies were ineffective, unethical and overly restrictive. They abandoned these rules just a few months later.

Unfortunately, as we saw with every trend throughout the pandemic, the media (with the help of social media doctors) sensationalized the topic and convinced almost every nursing home in the province to reintroduce these rules independently.

It’s now been nearly two years since Jennifer’s sons can enter her home. Like 90% of Canadian children, they are unfortunately not “up to date” on their COVID vaccines.

Since August 2022 the prevailing consensus has been that COVID vaccines can help individual outcomes but they do not stop spread. This fact was made obvious when the Au Chateau nursing home declared an outbreak last month affecting 55 staff and 21 residents (out of 160), while having one of the strictest vaccination policies in Canada.

Since the Fall of 2022 almost every nursing home in the province has elected rescind their independant vaccination rules for visitors. Unfortunately Au Chateau has defied this trend and has refused.

Jennifer had so much hope in her eyes on Tuesday when she watched demonstrators from her bedroom window demanding change. The group protested in anticipation of the Au Chateau board meeting which was held Wednesday. She couldn’t wait to welcome her sons into her home again. To tell them stories. To regularly hear how their day went. To do what any mom wants to do. To have a relationship with her sons.

Jamie-Lee still takes Jennifer out of the nursing to go see her children when her schedule allows. But as opposed to nearly daily visits prior to the pandemic, Jennifer now sees her children and family a fraction of the time.

“Jennifer is dying. She is well aware of that.” Explains Jamie-Lee. “She knows she only has so many after-school chats left with Brayden. She knows she only has so many play dates left with Tyran…”

Unfortunately after three board members proposed a resolution to finally allow Jennifer’s sons and family to visit her, three other board members refused to agree. They chose to extend these rules indefinitely.

Many forget about people like Jennifer Desroches. As opposed to most residents at a nursing home who often lived a fulfilling life and got to see their children grow up, Jennifer hasn’t. Her children are growing up as we speak.

No one should judge a child based on their COVID immunization status. Especially considering that we now know that it doesn’t stop spread. Especially considering that 90% have declined the most recent COVID shots. No one should deny a dying mother the right to see her children based on this choice either.

Jamie-Lee is not done fighting on behalf of her sister. She is determined to have these rules amended. As a 30 year old mother of two, Jamie-Lee juggles a full-time job while being the primary caregiver to her sister. Because Jamie-Lee herself is also not “up to date” on her COVID doses, she hasn’t been able to enter her sister’s home and care for her. She is constantly on the phone with the staff at Au Chateau to make sure her sister has what she needs. “It would be so much easier to just be able to stop in every day before or after work and check up on her”, explains Jamie-Lee.

One of the most common causes of death for patients with Huntington’s Disease is injuries from falling. That is what worries Jamie-Lee most. Jennifer frequently falls while trying to find things or to take care of herself. Jamie-Lee understands that the staff do the best they can but with the staffing shortage, she has definitely noticed a decline in her sister’s care.

“If I could be there more often. If Jennifer’s mother could be there more often. If Brayden and Tyran could be there more often… I’m sure Jennifer would fall less. We could also help with many other aspects of her care and help the staff”

Jamie-Lee and dozens of other caregivers and supporters will be continuing to protest in front of Au Chateau. They will be asking the Board of Management to listen to them. To let them in. To let Jennifer be a mother again.